Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
