I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
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I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
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screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
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I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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