He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
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Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
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You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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