We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
