cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
