His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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