i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
