Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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