i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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