I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
my penis made a compromise with my morals
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
