Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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