Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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