I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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