Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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