They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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