sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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