My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
