This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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