Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
