On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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