Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
