When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
The air taste purple.
Randomize
