Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
