so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
