she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
