Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He shit in the fireplace
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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