Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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