Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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