hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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