guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
