I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
