remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
