I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
