was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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