I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
