I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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