I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
