what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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