Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
