i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
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Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
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Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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