she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
