Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
