Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
