508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
