at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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