just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
she peed on how many people?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
