ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
