considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
