then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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