If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
