i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
