I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
