Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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