Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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