I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
