It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
