So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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