Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
