Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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