is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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