I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
