Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just had sex on a roof
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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