i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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