Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Randomize
