i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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