What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
