wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
