i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
