just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Randomize
