I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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